Fustrated..

It has been long since I posted. So many things have changed since. A month passed by.

I'm no longer in IT industry. I'm no longer working under a boss. I'm no longer have warm colleagues around me.  I'm no longer having a full-time job i.e. no stable income. I'm no longer going to gym frequent. I no longer enjoy the air-con facilty during the day. I no longer have peace.

Instead, I'm working almost 16 hours day without any possibility of paycheck coming my way. I know I know i have to be positive all time but then I believe have to be practical and face the fact too. 1/2 time on the phone, web surfing, newspaper within a hot stifling bedroom with no fan on and a nagging mum, 1/2 time outside travelling meeting all sort of people. And I still not getting paid until a deal is finally close. It's pretty a difficult job being agent.

Many people think that agent earns big money. True. Some do earn a lot. Easy money? Not so. It takes a lot of hard work and blast of luck upon to close a deal. How many of us can stand making 30 calls in a morning and only 1 call being shortlisted for viewing and the rest are already either "rented" or "co-broke" etc? and how many can stand a nagging mum nagging WHOLE day on non-work-related matter.

Sometime I feel like giving up and going back to IT job but the dryness of the job turns me off totally.

I gota hold my horse!

If the clock can turn back to ....

...the year 1987, I will definitely reply "Ballet" when my dear mum asked me to choose between "Piano or Ballet?".

I wonder how would my life be if I have chosen the latter. Would I still be glum and grumbling whole day about how boring my desk job is? Or would I be worrying about my financial status as generally, art in Singapore is still at its infancy (or probably adolescent) stage and there's not many ballet dancers hanging around.

I grow up thinking that if given a chance, I would want to dance and soar high on stage . I adores the seamlessly graceful yet impossibly moves and I have lost count of standing on my toes tips to attempt pirouettes dangerously.

I remember faking boredom in front of my classmates when we were "forced" to watch a ballet movement by an international dance troupe. I remember faking another "cannot be bothered" look during a Chinese ballet show. Despite the fact that, during the secondary school days (=high school), I was involved in Chinese dance for 3.5 years as extracurricular activity, it was still not cool to get caught fascinated by the "skin tight clothes and super-toned thighs". Deep down, I like the performances. I was fascinated at every grand jeté leaps and turns they made and sad at the same time as I thought this was a dream unattainable. I was already deep sooted in academic paper chase and halfway through my piano course. It's impossible for my mum to scrape anymore money to finance such a wishful dream.

Fast forward to the current days, the experience from the adult ballet class which i took many full moon ago, concluded that my flexibility had long gone, bones have harden beyond repair and the old cow can no longer stand on the toes without twisting the ankles.

Ballet remains an unattainable dream.

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